What Affects Your Motivation Or Drive?

I've had a hard time with momentum and motivation over the last six months. When my stepson passed in a terrible auto accident heading home from work I was lost in my day. That spread into weeks and the one person I would talk to all the time was my brother. I would talk to him long before this incident and in many different ways and at varying times. Suddenly, my brother passed too in another terrible accident where he was run over and was instantly gone. Now I'm lost and confused when before, in life, I had a good sense of direction and understanding of what was important.

I struggle on some days because I feel so disconnected from what was and even more disconnected from what will be. I put my trust in my faith and feel around, emotionally blind, for the next secure thing. This time, there is no solidity or security in anything, seemingly. My navigation is based entirely on my faith and my faith is my comfort. Even still it gets difficult to want to be creative in any capacity. I am learning more about how to believe in myself and my creator and that there is a plan that I can choose to be on board with or resist.

I'm doing counseling and I'm taking time to myself and I'm mingling with people I trust and I'm using work to feed and drive my most heartfelt desires. I'm getting nudges to go in certain directions and this blog is one of them. I am praying and meditating, contemplating and listening attentively to the blaring silence. I am still focused on the future of my children and building an everlasting bond with them according to life's terms. I am blessed in many ways that fill my gratitude cup. I acknowledge that and I want to be in line with the truths of my life, so I navigate away from destructive actions and people. My brother put in the time and effort to listen to me and believed in me.

I haven't found the right way to incorporate my spirituality into this blog yet but it is, indeed, completely spirituality that has enabled me to continue in directions I never seriously considered. Directions that unfold new paths and journeys to bring me great blessings and a better understanding. This must seem pretty generalized from the outside, however, I'm reaching for specificities and grasping concepts with detailed clarity when I express myself and create vulnerability. We don't grow in comfort but we can find comfort in growth - knowing that each day is different and another step to nourish and to flourish.

I want to share these things with you and gain some perspective for myself and others, so please share anything that you may feel compelled to.